My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
