hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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