So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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