he thought i was a dude.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
