Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
