ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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