I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
