Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
