Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
