I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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