My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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