She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
