i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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