I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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