Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
