margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
