it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
