I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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