how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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