she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
