So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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