At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
