Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
