Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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