you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just found puke in my bra..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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