I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
