Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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