WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
