got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
