He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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