FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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