I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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