the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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