he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
