It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
