First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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