Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
