Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
