Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
