Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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