how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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