I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
