grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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