How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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