I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How external is "for external use only"?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
