I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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