Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
