just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
