Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
