Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
