Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
