Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have post one night stand depression
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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