It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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