I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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