Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
